We can't tell you how many times a customer comes in and asks us, awkwardly, "How do I get ready for, you know... butt stuff?" Well, there is nothing wrong with asking this question, but let's get something out of the way right now: Everybody and every body poops. In a perfect world, we wouldn't feel the need to douche, but etiquette and our own senses push us towards cleaning up before we do butt stuff. That said, there are some things to know. Artist Blindjaw has put together an infographic that has been making its way around the internet and cheeky doctors' offices for the last few years. Before we get to that, let's cover some basics.

Water, Water, Everywhere

Using the right liquid to douche is very important because our bodies maintain a very delicate balance of electrolytes, and throwing off that balance is not healthy. Ultimately, using a light saline would be ideal, which is about 1/2 teaspoon of salt per cup of water, but let's face it, your big top daddy is not going to wait while you turn into Julia Child just to get dicked down. As long as you are not douching frequently, normal tap water is fine. Just remember to replace those electrolytes with a refreshing beverage like lemonade, Gatorade, or such. And since you will be using tap water, make sure to use the right temperature. Test the temperature with your hand and continue to turn it down until it feels lukewarm. Then turn it down just a bit more. Then you are ready to go! All puns intended.

The Right Tools For The Job

There are four main types of "devices" that are popular for douching. Each has its pros and cons, but what is right for you can vary depending on location and time constraints.

There is the ever-popular and easily available Fleet-style enema. These are found at most drug stores and usually contain a saline laxative. We advise that you dump the original liquid and replace it with normal saline or tap water. Though they are easily available, repeating the douching process multiple times may make them less appealing, especially at home or if daddy is hitting it on the regular.

Inexpensive, reusable, and portable. No, this is not the text of a Scruff profile. I'm describing the douche bulb, not a douche bro. These bulbs are made of a rubber or silicone bulb and a nozzle tip. Simply remove the tip and fill the bulb with lukewarm water, replace the tip, press the tip to the anus and squeeze! Constantly refilling the bulb, especially if you are using a shower, can be tedious, but if you travel a lot, the bulb is perfect!

The shower douche is a bit more investment but is perfect for use at home, especially for those with an insatiable top daddy knocking at their backdoor. The hose is installed with a valve on the showerhead and includes a removable nozzle, which can be swapped out for various shapes and sizes. To be honest, for at-home use, these are the most convenient and come with an added benefit: They are perfect for rinsing your shower after scrubbing! Don't judge me!

Lastly, there is the classic bag-style enema. They are similarly portable to the bulb yet require less refilling. I won't go into much detail on these as they are not very popular since this is not Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman.